Concerned PFS Log

[MNK99]

Nice @Concerned, that sounds like really solid improvements.

Keep it up. "- For the first time since the crash, left the house and went out shopping myself." Yes, I experienced the same thing. It was very strange, quite often I had to tear myself away from random outdoor activities like shopping, and then I was homebound. Fasting cleared that up and the other things as well. Still a bit less outgoing at times, but that could be the fact that I'm away from where I want to be and there's not much in the suburbs anyways (for me). I can deal with practically everyone I need to though, whereas I could not before.

 

[Concerned]

Nice @Concerned, that sounds like really solid improvements.

Keep it up. "- For the first time since the crash, left the house and went out shopping myself." Yes, I experienced the same thing. It was very strange, quite often I had to tear myself away from random outdoor activities like shopping, and then I was homebound. Fasting cleared that up and the other things as well. Still a bit less outgoing at times, but that could be the fact that I'm away from where I want to be and there's not much in the suburbs anyways (for me). I can deal with practically everyone I need to though, whereas I could not before.

Thanks MNK

Yeah the going out felt good to do. I was somewhat ponderous looking around the stores and the whole thing felt a bit foggy, a part dream like state. Also, when I was carrying the bags home, my jeans were slipping down my waist to half way down my pelvis; I've lost so much weight since the crash that even the top notch on the belt couldn't properly hold my jeans up. Looking forward to regaining the weight once my eating is fully back on track.

All in all though, today has been fantastic in progress terms. Oh the optimism an erection can bring: I'm not totally impotent. Lifts a large weight off the mind. Feeling grateful for it.

 

[Aflac94]

Very strange feeling. Out of interest, how long was it until you could get erections and have sex?

It was just the loss of sensation. Never lost the erections. Great to hear your progress!

 

[Concerned]

It was just the loss of sensation. Never lost the erections. Great to hear your progress!

Thanks Alflac!


Quite a bad day again today. Strong brain fog and a bit of vertigo so spent a lot of it on the couch. Mentally, I'm just having to accept that this will be how it is for a while, good days and not so good days. Really hoping the neurological sides will be resolved sooner rather than later, it's so hard to do anything when the mind is not in a clear state.

Could be something to do with last night. Fell asleep around 11.50 pm and woke up around twenty minutes later with a strong erection (was having a sexual dream). Sat with it awake and was having very strong sexual thoughts, almost like hyperactive, teenage like horny feeling. Quite intense. Then I was mildly concerned it might have been priapism (read about a pfs guy on another forum who had to have penis drained or something), the erection was just staying there. This was just paranoia as it did go down once I resolved to stop thinking the sexual thoughts and go for a pee instead. Didn't get back to sleep until around 12.45 am, then was woken up at 6 am, back to sleep then woken again at 7.30 am.

 

[Concerned]

Time for an update.

The progress over last few days has been pretty phenomenal. My sleep has improved a great deal. I've had several nights of solid slumber and if I have awoken in the middle of the night, it's mostly because I was silly and ate a big bowl of broth shortly before bed and then I needed to urinate.

The most impressive improvement has been sexually. Erections have been prompted by not much stimulation and are maintained without constant attendance. Masturbated to climax for the first time in four weeks the other day and size has returned, firmness was there and sensitivity was very good. Still a slightly odd feeling around the underside of the glans and where the frenulum is but on the whole very good.

When flaccid, penis still has a bit of a rubbery feeling but hanging much fuller and I think glans sensation is starting to differentiate from the rest of the penis, it's becoming more sensitive which is excellent. Scrotum also hanging nice and full for the most part.

I've been sticking diligently to a clean diet. Eating lots and lots of spinach along with kale. White rice with lemon and egg soup. White rice with spinach and chicken stir fried with organic butter and olive oil. Or rice and spinach with pork or salmon. Going to try sweet potato and steak tonight.

Cold showers daily after hot shower, thirty to sixty seconds cold blast. Folliculitis almost gone, didn't take the antibiotics.


Fatigue and head whirring are the two symptoms which still need a fair bit more improvement. Head whirring has actually improved a lot but is still happening here and there, particularly when I lean my head back relaxing on the couch or, notably, when scrolling on the computer screen or on TV. Fatigue has hit me hard the last few days after going out for an hour or so walk. Energy levels have dropped off a lot in the afternoons. However, today started off with fatigue but then improved in the afternoon after having a much bigger portion of rice and chicken than I've been used to on the re-feed. So, I'm hoping fatigue will continue to improve the more I increase my daily calorie count.

Other oddities:

- Diet has been nearly sugar free. Tried a glass of sweetened almond milk the other day and had a minute or so of weird brain fogginess. Fruit smoothies were making my brain fog the worst during the nadir of my crash so I think there's some sugar sensitivity going on here. I'd love to have some chocolate but I don't want to jeopardise the progress I've been making on this diet.

- First ejaculation in four weeks which must be the longest I've gone since I could masturbate. Orgasm was great but my ejaculate was very watery and I was NOT expecting it. Practically like urine in consistency and a lot of it too. I don't know if it's because of fin (watery semen a noted side effect) or because I've been on a water fast followed by a mostly broth based diet. My semen is usually thick and white, this was almost transparent. Not going to masturbate again until next week, don't want to over do it while recovering.

- Both forearms still feeling sprained with tendonitis like feeling, can't extend them out or contort them behind my back without a sharp pain. Also, triceps still feel sore, arms in general feel a bit battered when I wake in the mornings. Hoping this will all improve with increased calorie count.


Overall, I'm feeling very lucky with the progress I've made and how improved I am compared to before the fast. Again, I've got to state how thankful I am that this site exists and that it is filled with the incredibly supportive and helpful posters that it is.

 

[bruschi11]

This is awesome man!!! We only spoke a few weeks ago!

Now lets get your gut digesting food well. Are you taking betaine HCL with your foods? Digestive enzymes?

You had ARL done right? Man, I've only heard of one guy fasting within 2 to 3 months of their crash and he recovered fully within a year. I forget his name I think he was an italian kid on propeciahelp.

I think fasting immediately after the crash is the way to go and so happy you did it man. Hopefully you'll be the role model for others to do the same thing to do it right after like you!!!

 

[MNK99]

@Concerned, Nice job man.
Keep it up. No sugar for a long while (I think). I definitely still avoid it 2 months or so after my fast. I avoided it before pfs anyways, so it wasn't as hard. Should be relatively easy after the fast. Good stuff with the greens, I think it's best to have them with every meal (Greens+Protein + fat for me, but others differ).
Sexual side of things sound improved, that's excellent!

 

[Concerned]

This is awesome man!!! We only spoke a few weeks ago!

Now lets get your gut digesting food well. Are you taking betaine HCL with your foods? Digestive enzymes?

You had ARL done right? Man, I've only heard of one guy fasting within 2 to 3 months of their crash and he recovered fully within a year. I forget his name I think he was an italian kid on propeciahelp.

I think fasting immediately after the crash is the way to go and so happy you did it man. Hopefully you'll be the role model for others to do the same thing to do it right after like you!!!

I haven't had the ARL test done yet. When I contacted a provider and explained my situation they said it'd probably be best to wait some time until after the crash to do the testing, otherwise it would show a mostly pre-crash reading (I think ARL is last three months). I'm very lucky in that I've stabilised the last few days and I should therefore be able to continue eating as I have for another three to four weeks and then get the hair test.

For betaine HCL and enzymes, I thought it best to wait until I have the ARL test done and the recommendations? In the electrolyte protocol thread it looks as though it should all be part of a synergistic program and I thought it best to steadily proceed with the diet until I can tackle it all in concert.

And yes, completely agree that fasting has to be a priority after crashing. My brain was simply not functioning while I was still trying to eat. I was very fortunate in that I had my mum here supporting me throughout, emotionally, and for things like refilling my water and making the broth (including going out to get the ingredients) during the early stages of the re-feed. It allowed me to just lie on the couch for the ten days of fasting and conserve the little energy I had.

And man, I'm so happy I did that fast too! Ten days might sound a lot to someone who has never fasted (as I never had before) but not eating is nothing compared to the way I was feeling prior to the fast. Anyone can go back and read my first posts in this thread to see what a state I was in. I think mattyb said "listen to your body" with regards to not eating and he was right.

Got to thank you again for the call too bruschi. Mentally, it's very reassuring to hear from somebody who knew what it felt like to go through and who was positive about recovery and could explain a lot of this stuff.

@Concerned, Nice job man.
Keep it up. No sugar for a long while (I think). I definitely still avoid it 2 months or so after my fast. I avoided it before pfs anyways, so it wasn't as hard. Should be relatively easy after the fast. Good stuff with the greens, I think it's best to have them with every meal (Greens+Protein + fat for me, but others differ).
Sexual side of things sound improved, that's excellent!

Thanks MNK. Dude I've eaten more spinach in the last ten days than I have in the last year I think lol but no complaints, all of this food actually tastes good to me and I'm valuing the improvements so far too much to risk deviating from what's been working.

 

[Concerned]

Don't know what's happened today but I'm experiencing symptoms I'd thought and hoped I'd put behind me. First time since the beginning of the re-feed that I've felt scared.

Since my post on Thursday, I'd been improving daily. Brain whirring reducing in frequency again. Sexual function practically fully recovered, regular erections even from sitting thinking about sex, solid morning wood, sensitivity almost 100%. Did masturbate to climax again on Saturday and ejaculate was thicker this time.

Started waking again for no reason but all in all getting enough sleep for it to not be a problem.

Biggest issues have been fatigue and pain in arms and wrists.

Awoke this morning and probably felt the best I have since crashing. Woke up to morning wood. Got up, and did usual routine, took chicken from slow cooker, drained the broth, did previous evening's washing up etc. Decided on scrambled eggs and spinach for breakfast. Then sat on the couch watching tv and on the internet, felt good, enjoying what I'm doing.

However, a few hours later, I went to the toilet to defecate. I'm still having infrequent bowel movements at the moment, once every two to four days. As I was excreting, I was reading twitter on my phone. After a few minutes, it was becoming difficult to focus and concentrate, felt as though my mind was racing too quickly.

I felt worse an hour later. My mum tried to converse with me but I just held my hand up, couldn't really do it.

Decided to have chicken broth, chicken, rice and spinach and I felt a little bit better afterwards, only marginally though. Enough to where the fear went away a bit and I could think a little bit clearer. Since then been sat on the couch, still feeling fucked up and I type this, spaced out.

I can't understand why this has happened today like this.

All I can think is that I still need to eat the broth within the first few hours of waking? I was hoping to move on from the broth after today in fact, so good has my progress been and I wanted to move to rice, potatoes, meats, fish and greens full time. Maybe when I had a shit, I lost minerals or something, I've no idea.

It's knocked my confidence a bit. Up until this happened today I was feeling really good, mentally and sexually with the arm pain and fatigue to be resolved. Can't understand it. Still feeling really lucky and grateful for all the progress so far.

Can anyone say why this sort of thing can happen after such improvement and no particular change to the routine?

 

[Concerned]

Cross posting from my blood test results thread

I know blood tests aren't valued much in terms of their usefulness in dealing with pfs but I do think they prove interesting in telling us more about what this drug does to the endocrine balance.

I had another blood test last week. I'll post last December's first (pre-crash) then last week's

December 2017:

April 2018:

Points of interest:

- SHBG was already on the border of being too high pre crash and is now 17 points past the upper limit of the range.

- E2 was very low pre crash (would account for the dim libido). Now is 150 pmol/L. Strangely, I think my libido is higher now during my re-feed than before the crash. My erections have also come back.

- Total T is lower than pre crash but that's to be expected as I've been on the couch the majority of the time and eating below maintenance calories.

- Free T is at the low end on the NHS test and below range on the private blood test from December. The 250 pmol/L translates to 0.25 nmol/L (range 0.3 - 1.0). High E2 and low free T possibly account for the brain fog? I'm not sure.

 

[Concerned]

Update

Today has been pretty abhorrent. It's been a mixed week, some good and bad so I'll give an outline here.

A week ago today I was at a point where I thought I was almost cured in many respects. Brain fog hadn't bothered me since the beginning of the re-feed and sexually I was in some respects even better than pre-crash. No depression. Then on Monday, brain fog returned (documented two posts ago in this thread).

Tuesday, Wednesday decent, no brain fog. Masturbated to orgasm on Thursday, strong erection, full size, 90-95% sensitivity. Ejaculate thick and white like pre-crash.

Friday good day on the whole, bit foggy around 11am until early afternoon. Felt exhausted that evening several hours before my typical bed time.

Saturday, brain fog and whirring vertigo symptoms around 11 am again. Felt a bit better as day went on.

Today, woke up and felt depression like I felt during the early days of the crash (not as bad though). Had diarrhea excretion in the morning. Seemed like more urinating than usual throughout the day. No motivation, not much pleasure, couldn't be bothered to do anything. very little libido, penis and scrotum turtling again a bit, glans somewhat numb. This is very unusual given the previous ten days or so where I went through an amazing spell of my penis being full when flaccid (more so than pre-crash) and libido was quite high, getting erections from sexual thoughts. In fact, it was incredible around 8 or 9 days ago, I was in the shower and some minor manual stimulation got a huge, bloated, thick erection that, even when I stopped stimulation, stood there at around 70% tumescence and wouldn't go down for a long time. I really thought the DHT was back in full force but today has shaken my confidence somewhat. As it is, I can still get an erection but the depression was so bad today that I had no interest in getting one, plus I'm concerned that ejaculating will "crash" my body a bit.

So, depression coming back like that is scary and it's a pfs depression, not like the common or garden variety I sometimes experienced before the crash. Honestly, a week ago I thought I'd managed to about have the better of this thing with the ten day fast alone, and that it was only a matter of getting calories back on track and managing the fatigue. I was going to do the ARL test anyway for my health but I now know I need to do it. Sample will be sent in the next few days.

 

[mattyb]

Are you taking electrolytes? You should have potassium chloride, sodium chloride and magnesium chloride on hand for every time you have diarrhea and frequent urination. If you quickly correct your body chemistry after an episode of diarrhea/urination, it should help snap you back and keep you stable. I have a feeling you'll have more weeks like this until things get 100% better, but having electrolytes can probably help you recover from those episodes quickly and get you back on the right path.

 

[Concerned]

Are you taking electrolytes? You should have potassium chloride, sodium chloride and magnesium chloride on hand for every time you have diarrhea and frequent urination. If you quickly correct your body chemistry after an episode of diarrhea/urination, it should help snap you back and keep you stable. I have a feeling you'll have more weeks like this until things get 100% better, but having electrolytes can probably help you recover from those episodes quickly and get you back on the right path.

Thanks for the reply matty. I’m not at the moment. I wanted to do the hair test without any supplementation of any kind beforehand so as to get as clear a picture as possible as to what needs rebalancing. I don’t know if that’s a wise approach but that’s why I haven’t.

Yesterday and today much better. Spent a long time on my feet yesterday doing household work, going out grocery shopping and also walking around the city. I’ve noticed the mental/brain symptoms seem to be better if I stay on my feet moving around, keeping busy and not reading/looking at my phone/staring at pc screen. Brain fog has come on a bit tonight as I’ve settled down to watch the football (I also ate before doing this, which may be related).

Thankful for yesterday and today being much improved.

 

[Chapman]

You watching Liverpool mate? King Mo is sublime!

 

[Concerned]

You watching Liverpool mate? King Mo is sublime!

Yes! Time to accept that he is a world class talent after his first goal. Second was pretty good too lol.

 

[Concerned]

Time to check in

It's been a couple months since crashing and I've made great strides in many areas in that time. I'll list how I'm doing in each area:

Sleep

Big improvements here. In the last few weeks I've had fairly solid sleep. I'm not sleeping a solid 8 hours like I could pre-crash but I'm getting at least 6 hours per night and that is mostly uninterrupted. Last few days I have been waking to go and urinate then going back to sleep but overall I can't complain much.

Appetite

Got my appetite back. Am now eating at least four meals a day and could eat more if I was eating a casual diet.

Sexual function

Very good improvement though not without some worrying days. Went through a period of getting morning wood every day consecutively but then had a string of days where I wasn't and my penis felt like rubber when flaccid, with no sensitivity. Erections were around 75% and my glans had reduced feeling. Libido also dropped. That symptom where the urine feels like it stays halfway in the urethra came back too. However, I'm happy to report that the last five or so days my sexual function is much better, glans has more sensation, harder erections, libido increased and urinating fairly normally again. Very grateful for this!

Fatigue

Big improvements here. Doing daily activities without getting too tired, energy levels much better. Had my first day back at the gym today. Loved it, I've missed having a workout. Also had my first ever sauna while there.


My two biggest problems are brain fog/pressure in head feeling and what I think is vertigo. I wake up with a relatively clear head . The fog usually hits after eating but not always. Today for instance, I ate in the morning and was ok and went to the gym. After my post workout meal, my head felt heavy and it's like a swelling/pressure sensation builds in the back of my brain. Definitely my worst symptom now.

The vertigo sensation happens on and off throughout the day but does have triggers. Washing up at the sink with the tap continuously running will trigger it. Happens regularly while sitting down and trying to concentrate on the tv. Scrolling on laptop/phone and trying to concentrate on different things rapidly too. Will ask my GP if I can see a vertigo specialist.

I'm awaiting my ARL hair test results still. Hoping it can really help with this brain pressure feeling. So very grateful for all the progress though.

 

[Concerned]

Really rough symptoms since Wednesday evening this week. The awful depression has returned in the evenings the last nights, most intensely Friday night and earlier tonight. Went through basically a crash earlier on. Was trying to eat and I couldn't chew my steak, no saliva - the same shit as when I first crashed and my appetite disappeared. Managed to eat my rice and kale though each mouthful was taking me an age to chew. After finishing, I just sat with my head in my hands, felt like I was not even all there. Friday night, I felt as though I was going to pass out the depression felt so bad. This is after several weeks of no depression at all of note (though vertigo and brain fog were still present). Also back on the couch watching nature programs on netflix for the first time since the worst of my crash. Felt cold and wore a hoodie plus pajamas and a blanket over me, despite it being a warm evening.

I don't know if this is because I'm "over doing" it in the gym. I'm not even doing that much in there but I have noticed fatigue creeping back in a bit (felt bad fatigue earlier today, fatigue I hadn't felt for weeks). My hair test said to not do any strenuous exercise but that seemed like generic advice in the ARL booklet and most pfs recovery stories I read include gym workouts as hugely positive things. I also did a full 20 minute sauna today, don't know if they're helping me or not.

Weighed myself the other day, down 8 kilos from my February, pre fin weight. I was a lot lighter than that after my fast, I've been eating for weeks now. Shows how impactful pfs can be on one's weight.

Can still get an erection without much of a problem at all. Watching porn will produce an erection within minutes. Penis is very rubbery while flaccid though.

Also nearly passed out while walking the streets the other day, from weird spaced out feeling and some vertigo symptoms.

My brain feels as though its been broken into pieces then loosely sellotaped back together again.

Sleep is still good. Getting 6 - 8 hours per night, sometimes with no interruptions.

 

[Concerned]

Posting my hair test result for reference in this thread also

No one has had much to say about my result in my hair test thread. Has anyone ever seen a calcium reading like that before? It's the reading that really stands out.

I have vertigo symptoms, something I don't think I've seen any other person with pfs complain of. A chance conversation the other day revealed to me that calcium crystals in the ear are implicated in vertigo. I wonder if me having that high calcium reading is related.

 

[barbaar]

Posting my hair test result for reference in this thread also

View attachment 478View attachment 479

No one has had much to say about my result in my hair test thread. Has anyone ever seen a calcium reading like that before? It's the reading that really stands out.

I have vertigo symptoms, something I don't think I've seen any other person with pfs complain of. A chance conversation the other day revealed to me that calcium crystals in the ear are implicated in vertigo. I wonder if me having that high calcium reading is related.

I have super high calcium as well. Vertigo and that super spaced out feeling sound very familiar to me. Vertigo happened sometimes before PSSD too, so not sure if that's related.

 

[Concerned]

I have super high calcium as well. Vertigo and that super spaced out feeling sound very familiar to me. Vertigo happened sometimes before PSSD too, so not sure if that's related.

Hey thanks for replying. Have you been able to do anything to resolve or ease the vertigo symptoms?